Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
