Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
