It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
