I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish you could order shots online.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
