Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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