i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
