Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
