Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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