I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize