Hey man sorry I got all grabby
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
