you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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