can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
