I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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