It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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