Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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