Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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