The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
