Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
