I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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