I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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