he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We need a shit load of segways right now
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Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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