I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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