i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
