Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
