You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
