their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
