yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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