And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
