You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize