yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
