my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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