You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
