The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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