I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
