I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
