the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Pooping to opera.
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