I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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