I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Im part way to drunk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
