Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
