just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
