I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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