why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
