YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
