I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
