he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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