My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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