I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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