Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I would fuck him just for his dog
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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