So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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