I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
