I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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