So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
