he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
