girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
