I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Every concussion has its silver lining
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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