last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize