I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
