I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
