Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
