And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
