I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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