xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
