"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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