she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
