Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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