I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize