All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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