Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
