Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
