Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
