party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
