my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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