Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
