oh god the rape fog is back!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
