I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
