can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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